what can I do to remember

As the weeks and months in the life of our kids go by, we take plenty of pictures, make home movies, write down funny words or measurements or „firsts”. But with all the effort, we are constantly aware, while talking to one another or while looking at photos only a couple of months old, that the images of today have erased and replaced the images of their faces, gestures, funnynesses of previous years. Unless we make stories, similar to the stories our parents used to tell us when we were little – „and you woke up from your afternoon nap and you saw the table still laid out with food and you said mniam…”, we tend to forget completely what the children were like at a certain stage. Even in comparing our older daughter with the younger one, we keep saying „but she didn’t use to…” and then take it back, because we’re not sure anymore…

So between the narratives that tend to change in time and will end up being a rather false reflection of states of fact that get superimposed on each other, the fragments of video and the blankness of my own brain, what can I do to remember each bit? How can I keep in mind the exact sensation of pressing my lips on H’s round and elastic and fabulous cheeks when they will have grown past this state? And how will I manage to still chuckle thinking of the conversation in the hallway right now: „că morcovii sunt deliciooooşi, zice iepuraşul…”(`because the bunny says that the carrots are delicious`, in free translation, but „delicious” sounds so over the top in Romanian in the mouth of a two year old)? And how will I keep in mind the fake afternoon nap on a futon on the floor, with H asking me to „sleep” so that she can pull my eyelashes up to „open the windows” and laughing every single time? I suppose this is how, writing it down once in a while, to make sure I get the feelings wrapped in words before they go off and metamorphose into other feelings. I know, I just want them to stay like this 🙂 .

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Un gând despre “what can I do to remember

  1. I know, you allways wanted yourself to stay like this – a growing child, but still a child. Keeping inside, in a shell, for good, each second of joy, enthousiasm, beauty, each frame, sound, smell or taste… „Neverending story”. Continuous love. I know. Writing is just a small – homeopathic – medicine against despair.

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