I think I realised what it is like – although it has been said before me. The exhaustion, the constant terror of responsibility for preventing doom, because there is no row of men behind you, it’s just this thin layer of people holding hands. I figured it out today, when I breathed out after they didn’t manage to pass the bill for the second time. It is precisely as if you have chosen the pill that takes you out of Matrix. There’s no temporary bracing up and then going back to business as usual. It’s dealing with the business as usual and at the same time dealing with the code in which the usual is being written. There is so much to fight for, so much to take on board, so many decisions. And so many people who see only what is played in front of their eyes. I think I might want to go back to sleep.